i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
