my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
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