Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Damn victory sex feels great
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
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