I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Randomize
