do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
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