I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
