I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
