the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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