i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
