He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
