Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
