The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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