Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
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