i permit you to call me
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Randomize
