I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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