my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
