I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
