I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I queefed so loud it echoed.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize