Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Small penises have feelings too.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
3 2 1 whiskey
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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