Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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