i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
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