what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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