Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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