she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
