we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Randomize
