I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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