I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Randomize
