i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
