i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
