At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
