That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
