I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
