i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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