I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I just sucked dick on a ferry
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
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