Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
