don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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