I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Randomize
