The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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