I hate all girls vehemently.
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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