I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
this is an emotional support booty call
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
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