ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
