I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
