Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
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