she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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