just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
