we made out on top of his cat.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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