That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
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