We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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