Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize