Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
