I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Randomize
