well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
