I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Randomize
