I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
