I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
