So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
