Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Randomize
