I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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