found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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