I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
