guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
