Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
