I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
