I just made out with a guy for $7.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
In other news, I just burned my penis
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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