I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Randomize
