I'm really into asian looking animals
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
